I am here

Hello beautifuls,

After a seemingly eternal war between my wallet, my motivation, and myself, I’ve finally gotten around to starting a website. It’s been a dream of mine for a long time to connect with other LGBTQ+ Christian people and communities through my writing, and in ways more open and professional than other social media platforms. I start this blog hoping to help even one queer Christian person feel more at home in their identity both in themselves and in Christ. My dream and long term goal is to see the ordination of woman priests and the affirmation of gay marriage within the Catholic Church in my lifetime. My dream until then is to connect, to love, and to serve Christ as best I know how: through my words.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. This blog will be one of honesty and vulnerability, of finding God wherever you are physically, mentally, or emotionally, as whoever you are. Since graduating from UBCO in April (Bachelor’s in Creative Writing, minor in Gender and Woman’s Studies), I’ve spent most of my time small, boring, conservative Brooks, AB, desperately job searching and helping my parents around their farm. I left behind a myriad of amazing friends, a huggy, hopeful queer community, and the blessed little group I founded in my 3rd year of studies: LGBTQ+ Christians UBCO.

My summer since has been one of severe depression, of living semi-closeted with a difficult and overwhelming family, of days at a time wondering if God can hear me crying out. It’s been a summer of too many family reunions and cramped road trips, of sobbing in the arms of the one cousin I could trust at 2 AM, of my closest friendships being with the many cats we have around the farm. It has been a summer of scrolling Instagram, watching friends live and visit and attend Pride parades in places my stationary soul aches to be.

Most days, I don’t know if I can make it to the next day. Most days, I wear a single, interchangeable saint pendant on a necklace, given to me by my older sister. I reach up and rub Mother Mary or Elizabeth or Clare or whoever when I need an extra prayer, an extra moment of grace. Most days, I don’t know if God can hear me. My friends tell me across provinces and countries that He can, and that if I want to leave, I could just leave. I don’t know how much I believe them in either case.

But I am here. I am here, and Taylor Swift is releasing new music, and I am going to Calgary Pride next weekend, and I am growing my hair out after two years of keeping it short. I am here, and God is with me always, even on the days when I can’t find Him. I am here, and I am going to speak to the world, and someone, somewhere is going to listen. Watch this space.

By His grace and mercy,

Vivian

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